JEALOUSY.... DOES IT EVER STOP?????

Author: Paula

I don't know if it is right for me to STILL be feeling this way!  It has been 16 years (getting close to 17) since I lost the twins and had my hysterectomy.   A girlfriend of mine just had a beautiful baby girl.  Hearing my best friend talk about holding her, smelling her, how soft she felt, and how she curled up on her shoulder just shot pains of jealousy through me.  I have not been so jealous in all my life.  I adore my girlfriend who had the baby, and have no ill will toward her at all!!!!!  

When I first had my hysterectomy I thought for my physical well being that it would be perfect!  No more pain, terrible periods (when I had them), no more surgeries (14 was enough!) but I never thought that the pain I would feel in my heart would be so heavy and such a burden.  Please don't get me wrong, Punk fills a great part of that void, but I still long so badly for a baby of my own.  

At this age, I think I would be selfish to ever try to raise a baby.  My health isn't very well and I know that I would not be able to play like I use to.  My husband is now 40 and is starting to feel it too!  I think right now we need to put all of our energy and resources into Punk.  She is soon to be eight (September 11th) and really needs us!  Her life at the bio's isn't that great.  

Anyway... back to jealousy (I could talk for hours about Dani, lol)  I so long for the smell of a new baby, the softness of their body, the feeding... everything!  I want to be able to walk down the street.... see a pregnant woman or a woman with a newborn and NOT feel like strangling her!  And the thing is... it's nothing personal to the woman, ever.   I want so bad for my friends in the 'club' to experience those things.  You hear women talking about how much it hurt, blah, blah, blah... some of us would welcome the pain.  There are women out there that say the pain goes away quickly or you just forget about it.... well, God please let these women experience it!  

This may sound silly to some of you, but I am going to end with a prayer. 

Dear Heavenly Father I thank you for the ability to help other women who are not able to have children for whatever reason you have chosen.  Thank you for the friends I have made because of the choice you made for me.   Please Lord give these women the ability to have children and experience motherhood.  I ask Lord that you wrap your arms around them and comfort them for you are our one and only God.  I ask this in Jesus name,  Amen.  


<3

Surrogacy

Author: Paula

Surrogacy is a touchy subject for me as you all know my story.  Do you think that if you had all the children you wanted that you would be able to surrogate for a woman that cannot conceive?  Would you consider surrogacy for yourself?  I know there are a lot of women who say that they could do it, then after some thought they change their mind and say they could not, even if it were not her egg.  

I know that not being able to have my own children, I would LOVE to bless another family with that ultimate gift!  I was expecting to receive that gift, unfortunately God had bigger plans for me.  I think this is one of those plans....helping others.  :)  I say that I could do it, but could I really?  Could I give up a child that has grown in my body for 9 months?  Feeling the baby move, eating healthy, taking vitamins for one reason... a baby.  Knowing what it feels like, I would think that I could do it.  

With your infertility, do you have viable egg or sperm so that this would be an option for you?  With our situation, my eggs were not even viable so that was out of the question.  We HAD to use another woman's egg.  Fortunately we did use Joe's sperm (obviously).  This is the only thing that kept our beautiful daughter in our lives.  If it had not been for a botched surrogacy we would have no child at all.  Something is better than nothing, even if by law and bio she is just my step-daughter.  What would you do if you were in my position with the surrogacy?    

I hope to hear from you all on how you would handle the situation.  

Thank You!!!

Author: Paula

I would like to thank those who have taken the time to reply to the blog.  It means a great deal to us to know that we have others like us out there!  If you have trouble replying, please get with me on face book.  Paula Ann McChesney.  I will help you!

I think I can speak for Nan too, we really enjoy reading your thoughts and stories too and appreciate those that HAVE taken the time to reply to us.  Again, thank you!  :)  <3

A SPECIAL DAY.....

Author: Nan

Just a quick post to tell my "Co-Blogger" a big special HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Paula, though we have been friends for a few years, working at "The Dungeon" together, I feel that our friendship has very quickly changed into something much more special in just the last week.   I love you, and would try to explain what you mean to me, but I can't find the words. I have shared things with you that I find nearly impossible to share with people that I have known almost a lifetime. We have shared tears, laughter, sadness, joys, secrets, and secret hopes. You always give soooo much of yourself, to everyone, even total strangers. You deserve so much more than a handful of words on the internet, but this is all I have to give, lol. 

My birthday wish for you is that you know just how loved and appreciated you are, by so many. 

HAPPY  BIRTHDAY  PAULA!

    I  LOVE  YOU!!!!!!

~ With love, Nan

Does It Fade?

Author: Nan

 I can’t help but wonder, for those who have dealt with infertility for years and years, felt all of the heartache, the disappointments, found themselves on the bathroom floor, broken-hearted and sobbing on Mother’s Day, and then are blessed with a successful pregnancy, Does It Fade? Do they forget what that desperation felt like, how hopeless and useless you begin to feel? Do they see a pregnant woman, and forget that just the image of a pregnant woman used to be the cause of a bad day, many tears, and such jealousy that it morphs from jealousy into a monster that there is no name for? For any of you reading this that have struggled with infertility, but have succeeded in getting pregnant, please, please comment on this post. I am very curious if it fades. For example, it has been many years since I broke my foot as a teenager. I remember it hurting a lot. I remember not being able to walk on it for a while, and that even after I could walk on it, I was limping a bit. I can remember details, but I could not describe for you the pain of it. If you asked me “Do you remember how much it hurt when your foot was broken?” My answer would be “I don’t really remember, other than it hurt quite a bit.”  Many pains we have in life, be it physical or emotional, they fade over time. As they say, “Time heals all wounds”. I don’t agree that it HEALS ALL, but that it soothes most wounds. My question is to you, “Do you remember just how much it hurt when your womb, and part of your spirit was broken?” It would seem only natural that it would fade over time, but I don’t know. On one hand, I hope it does, it would be nice to know that those who can achieve the ultimate goal can move past the hurt of it all, and not be reminded of that struggle. On the other hand, I hope they can hold onto just enough of it to never take their blessings for granted. The thing that bothers me perhaps the most is when I see parents who just don’t understand the blessings they hold. Too many children are neglected and abused. A very close friend and family member was just telling me that when she worked in labor and delivery, she saw the injustice of infertility, or in some cases, fertility in the wrong people, on a regular basis. How heartbreaking that must be to have to watch it. I have knowledge of that kind of thing, and have seen some cases of it, but to watch it every day, or many days… Nope, I couldn’t do it.

I hope people don’t think I ramble too much on here. Though, I believe I do, quite often. I use this blog as my sounding board of sorts. Rather, my diary. It is a place I feel safe to say whatever is on my mind. Whatever random thoughts that pop into my head throughout the day, or the sadness that sometimes weighs me down. This is my safety zone, but if there’s any chance someone might be comforted by some of it, to know they are not the only ones with these frustrations, etc, I want to share it. As of this moment, there have been 849 readers, in 10 countries coming to the blog, since Wednesday. I don’t know what that means in terms of “a successful” blog. The numbers are rather low compared to many others, and I know that not all of the visitors are here looking for support, I have no way of knowing what the numbers are on that, (though, if we’d get more responses to the poll on the right of the page, we’d have a better idea ;)  If there is one person out there who is deriving just a tiny bit of comfort from knowing that I feel the same, or at the least, very similar things regarding our inability to procreate. And maybe more importantly, I feel just as crazy and unstable at times……………..  (Side note…..I’m sitting outside, enjoying the nice weather that has been such a long time coming for those of us in western New York this past winter. As I sit here typing, listening to my praise music with my ear buds, a breeze comes up, and caress’s my cheek. I could not help but pause, and look up to the sky. What an amazing God we have! Thank you Lord, for ALL that you are, and ALL that you have done for us.)  I don’t want to be too “preachy” on here, but like I said at the beginning of this blog, I would be nothing, a completely empty shell of a person if not for the sacrifice Jesus made for me with His redeeming blood. I will praise Him all the days of my life, and I will not apologize for it. :-)

Anyways, I’m closing up here, going to go inside and spend a little quality time with my amazing Hubby before he has to get ready for work in a few hours. (He works 3^rd shift, thus the reason much of my blogging happens late at night/early in the morning.)  I hope you all have a fantastic evening.

~ With Love, Nan

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

~Jeremiah 29:11

Infertiltiy Statistics

Author: Nan

First off, let me say that none of the following information "belongs" to me. It was all simply copied and pasted from the websites referenced.  Also, I am surprisingly tired, for this time of night, therefore, I may not have done a fantastic job at editing this. I will be sure to check it carefully tomorrow to check for repeats in the information, as I used multiple sites to gather the information. I did notice that there are some variations in the statistics, and sadly, there is not anything referring to what is known as Secondary Infertility. The people suffering from that are often forgotten about, by many. I will work on digging for some information regarding that specifically tomorrow, for those of you who may be interested in that.   <3


 

Fast Facts About Infertility

Infertility is a disease that results in the abnormal functioning of the male or female reproductive system. The  World Health Organization, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) recognize infertility as a disease.

Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse (six months if the woman is over age 35) or the inability to carry a pregnancy to live birth.

• 7.4 million women, or 11.9% of women, have ever received any infertility services in their lifetime. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
• 1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)
• Approximately one-third of infertility is attributed to the female partner, one-third attributed to the male partner and one-third is caused by a combination of problems in both partners or, is unexplained. (www.asrm.org)
• A couple ages 29-33 with a normal functioning reproductive system has only a 20-25% chance of conceiving in any given month (National Women’s Health Resource Center). After six months of trying, 60% of couples will conceive without medical assistance. (Infertility As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997)
• Approximately 44% of women with infertility have sought medical assistance. Of those who seek medical intervention, approximately 65% give birth. (Infertility As A Covered Benefit, William M. Mercer, 1997)
• Approximately 85-90% of infertility cases are treated with drug therapy or surgical procedures. Fewer than 3% need advanced reproductive technologies like in vitro fertilization (IVF). (www.asrm.org)
• The most recently available statistics indicate the live birth rate per fresh non-donor embryo transfer is 47.1% if the woman is under 35 years of age and 37.9% if the woman is age 35-37. (Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology, 2012)
• Fifteen states have passed laws requiring that insurance policies cover some level of infertility treatment: Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas and West Virginia.
• A study published in the New England Journal of Medicine (August 2002) found that the percentage of high-order pregnancies (those with three or more fetuses) was greater in states that did not require insurance coverage for IVF. The authors of the study noted that mandatory coverage is likely to yield better health outcomes for women and their infants since high-order births are associated with higher-risk pregnancies.
• The Affordable Care Act (ACA) does not require coverage for infertility treatments. Those states with an infertility mandate that covers IVF may have chosen an Essential Health Benefits (EHB) benchmark plan that includes the IVF mandate. The EHB impacts the individual and small group markets only in each state.  

Above information found at www.resolve.org

How does age affect a woman's ability to have children?

Many women are waiting until their 30s and 40s to have children. In fact, about 20 percent of women in the United States now have their first child after age 35. So age is a growing cause of fertility problems. About one-third of couples in which the woman is over 35 have fertility problems.
Aging decreases a woman's chances of having a baby in the following ways:

• Her ovaries become less able to release eggs
• She has a smaller number of eggs left
• Her eggs are not as healthy
• She is more likely to have health conditions that can cause fertility problems
• She is more likely to have a miscarriage

How long should women try to get pregnant before calling their doctors?

Most experts suggest at least one year. Women 35 or older should see their doctors after six months of trying. A woman's chances of having a baby decrease rapidly every year after the age of 30.
Some health problems also increase the risk of infertility. So, women should talk to their doctors if they have:

• Irregular periods or no menstrual periods
• Very painful periods
• Endometriosis
• Pelvic inflammatory disease
• More than one miscarriage

Above information found at www.womenshealth.gov

Five most common causes of infertility in women

• Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is a hormone imbalance problem that can interfere with normal ovulation. PCOS is the most common cause of female infertility.
• Functional hypothalamic amenorrhea (FHA). FHA relates to excessive physical or emotional stress that results in amenorrhea (absent periods).
• Diminished ovarian reserve (DOR). This occurs when the ability of the ovary to produce eggs is reduced because of congenital, medical, surgical, or unexplained causes. Ovarian reserves naturally decline with age.
• Premature ovarian insufficiency (POI). POI occurs when a woman’s ovaries fail before she is 40 years of age. It is similar to premature (early) menopause.
• Menopause . Menopause is an age-appropriate decline in ovarian function that usually occurs around age 50. It is often associated with hot-flashes and irregular periods.

Is infertility just a woman's problem?

No, infertility is not always a woman's problem. Both men and women contribute to infertility.
Many couples struggle with infertility and seek help to become pregnant; however, it is often thought of as only a women’s condition. A CDC study analyzed data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth and found that 7.5% of all sexually experienced men younger than age 45 reported seeing a fertility doctor during their lifetime—this equals 3.3–4.7 million men. Of men who sought help, 18% were diagnosed with a male-related infertility problem, including sperm or semen problems (14%) and varicocele (6%).

What causes infertility in men?

Infertility in men can be caused by different factors and is typically evaluated by a semen analysis. A specialist will evaluate the number of sperm (concentration), motility (movement), and morphology (shape). A slightly abnormal semen analysis does not mean that a man is necessarily infertile. Instead, a semen analysis helps determine if and how male factors are contributing to infertility.

Conditions that can contribute to abnormal semen analyses include—

• Varicoceles, a condition in which the veins on a man’s testicles are large and cause them to overheat. The heat may affect the number or shape of the sperm.
• Medical conditions or exposures such as diabetes, cystic fibrosis, trauma, infection, testicular failure, or treatment with chemotherapy or radiation.
• Unhealthy habits such as heavy alcohol use, testosterone supplementation, smoking, anabolic steroid use, and illicit drug use.
• Environmental toxins including exposure to pesticides and lead.

Above information found at www.cdc.gov

Infertility statistics

• One in six couples is infertile. In 40 per cent of cases the problem rests with the male, in 40 per cent with the female, ten per cent with both partners, and in a further ten per cent of cases, the cause is unknown.
• Fertility problems strike one in three women over 35.
• One in 25 males has a low sperm count and one in 35 is sterile.
• For healthy couples in their twenties having regular unprotected sex, the chance of becoming pregnant each month is 25 per cent.
• The chance of conceiving in an IVF cycle is on average around 20 per cent (but varies due to individual circumstances).
• More than one per cent of births in Australia involve the use of assisted reproductive technologies.

Types of infertility

For centuries, if a couple were unable to have a baby, it was considered the woman's problem. We now know both men and women suffer infertility problems and these are no more common in one sex than the other. Sometimes multiple factors are involved in one or both partners.
Among couples who are infertile, about 40 per cent of cases are exclusively due to female infertility, 40 per cent exclusively to male infertility, and ten per cent involve problems with both partners. In the remaining ten per cent, the cause is unknown.
Women can suffer from disorders such as hormone imbalances, blocked fallopian tubes, endometriosis, or abnormalities of the reproductive organs. Men can experience infertility if they have problems with the number and shape of their sperm, produce antibodies against their own sperm, or have blocked spermatic cords. In some cases, the exact cause of infertility cannot be explained.
Proper diagnosis of infertility will help in selecting an appropriate treatment plan that maximises the chance of becoming pregnant.

Female infertility

Ovulation disorders
A delicate balance of sex hormones (oestrogen, progesterone, luteinizing hormone, follicle stimulating hormone) is needed for the timely growth and release of the egg from the ovary (ovulation).
Hormone imbalances can cause ovulation disorders in women and are the most common cause of infertility in women.
Fallopian tube damage
It is in the fallopian tube that fertilisation takes place, after the egg is released from the ovary into the tube and is met by sperm. Full or partial blockage of the fallopian tubes will prevent fertilisation taking place.
Fallopian tubes can be damaged by inflammation that results from viral or bacterial infections, some types of sexually transmitted diseases, or complications of surgery such as adhesions or scarring.
Uterus and cervical disorders
Benign growths on the uterine wall, such as fibroids or polyps, can also contribute to infertility as they interfere with the attachment of the embryo onto the uterus wall.
Abnormalities in the shape of the cervix or changes in the texture of the cervical mucus can make it difficult for the sperm to move from the vagina into the uterus.
Endometriosis
Endometriosis is a condition where the lining of the uterus forms at inappropriate places within and outside of the reproductive tract. It can block the fallopian tubes and/or disrupt ovulation. It occurs in about ten per cent of women.
Immunological factors
The presence of antibodies to sperm in cervical mucus can cause infertility. In other cases, the mother's immune system prevents the embryo from attaching to the wall of the uterus and so causes a miscarriage.
Polycystic ovaries
Polycystic ovaries contain lots of small cysts, making the ovary larger than normal. The condition, called polycystic ovarian disease (PSOD), is also associated with high levels of androgen and oestrogen. Women with PSOD have irregular periods and may not ovulate, resulting in infertility.
Ovarian failure
Ovarian failure can be a consequence of medical treatments (for ovarian tumours for instance), or the complete failure of the ovaries to develop or contain eggs in the first place (for example, Turner's Syndrome).
The treatment for ovarian tumours may involve surgical removal of all or part of the ovary. Ovarian failure can also occur as a result of treatments such as chemotherapy and pelvic radiotherapy for cancers in other body areas. These therapies destroy eggs in the ovary.
Ageing
Age is a critical factor affecting a woman's fertility woman. In our society many women choose to delay having children. Some of the common reasons for this include education and career demands, financial stability, second marriages/relationships and waiting for a suitable partner.
Reproductive function declines as a woman ages, particularly after the age of 35. Women are born with a finite number of eggs, unlike men who produce sperm most of their adult life. In the years approaching menopause, there are fewer and fewer eggs left in the ovary. The quality of eggs also diminishes as a woman gets older. When a woman is in her late thirties, there is an increase in chromosome abnormalities that can result in birth defects like Down syndrome.
Ageing can also affect other reproductive organs and functions, such as the uterus, hormone production, and ovulation. There is also a higher incidence of miscarriage in women in their late thirties.
Infertility treatments cannot reverse the ageing process and should not be thought of as a safeguard that will ensure a pregnancy at some point in the future. The success rates of IVF for women over 35 are much lower than for younger women.

Male infertility

Sperm defects
A low sperm count is the most common cause of male infertility. Abnormalities in sperm shape or their ability to swim can also cause infertility problems. These can be due to hormonal imbalances, infection, or testicular varicocele.
A total absence of sperm (known as 'azoospermia') in the ejaculate can be caused by testicular damage, mumps, anatomical disorders, or lack of hormones.
Immunological factors
Some men produce antibodies to their own sperm, which prevent the sperm from penetrating the egg. The exact cause is not known but may be due to infection or vasectomy.
Spermatic cord occlusion
The spermatic cord is the tube that transports the sperm from each testis to the penis and any blockages will cause infertility. Common causes are vasectomy, infection and some sexually transmitted diseases.
Ejaculation disorders
Some ejaculation disorders such as retrograde ejaculation – where the semen is ejaculated backwards into the bladder – can prevent proper transfer of sperm into the vagina without the man being aware of the problem.
Ageing
Until recently, ageing was considered a risk factor only for female fertility. However, recent research shows ageing affects sperm function too. Sperm that swim in a straight line have a far better chance of making their way through the female reproductive tract to reach the egg. But the swimming ability of a man's sperm declines as the man ages. The older a man gets the greater the chance of genetic abnormalities in the sperm itself. 
Unexplained infertility
In approximately ten per cent of couples, both partners may appear fine but are still unable to become pregnant. While it is easier to treat couples where the cause of infertility is obvious, couples with unexplained infertility can also be treated.

Above information found at www.abc.net.au

~ Nan

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

~Jeremiah 29:11