My Step-Daughters, AKA, My "Half-Kids"

Author: Nan

I've gone on and on in several posts about how I long to be a mom, I think it's time to "introduce" you to the children I HAVE been blessed to have in my life. 

I am changing their names, as I'm not sure that they want to be named in this blog. I understand that it is my desire to share some of the more personal details of my life, but that the other people in my life may not wish to have their identities revealed. Unless otherwise noted, myself and Todd are the only people who I will specifically name. 

From oldest to youngest, we have Maria, Nicole, and Josephine (Jo). Maria was 9 when I met her, Nicole was 6, and Jo was 4. 

Maria.  Ohhhhhh Maria! The first many years with Maria were, at times, ah, shall we say challenging...? She is, and was at that age, a very stubborn girl. She knew what she wanted, what she believed, and could not be moved. I believe many of the issues we had were simply due to the fact that I was just 8 years older than her. Yup, I was 17 years old, in case you were planning to do the math.  ;)   There were times with Maria when I thought I had bitten off more than I could chew. Honestly, she could be a little mouthy at times, and could be rather vocal about preferring to not have me in her life. To make matters worse, (for her, that is) her mother and I got along very well, and we would discuss some of the issues as they came up, or her little sisters would report to her mom something she had said or done, and her mom would demand she apologize to me. How frustrating that must have been for her, to have a mother who expected her children to show respect to their father's significant other, and ENFORCED it?! To her mother, I will be forever grateful for that, as I don't know if we could have survived those early years without your calm, and yet stern support. And also, much to Maria's surprise to learn this many years later, her mother and I worked together one weekend to perform what I might call a "sting operation". You see, Maria was bringing a certain CD of a rap "artist" to our house on the weekends to listen to, and would hide it in a certain pocket of her book bag. This music was about as vulgar and inappropriate as it can get. She knew she would be ABSOLUTELY forbidden from listening to it. So I called "Eileen" over the weekend, advised her of what was going on, and told her where she could find said CD when the children returned home. In the meantime, she was looking around in Maria's bedroom, to see if she could find anything else this child was hiding. She hit the jackpot! Maria tried so hard to cover herself as well as she could. She had drawn up "contracts" for Nicole and Jo to sign, that they would not tell on her. Thus, all of them were punished. Now, my HOPE is that you laughed at that little story, and did not think badly of her. Really, it was ingenious! Or WOULD have been, if she had made her mean old step mom sign a contract as well. These days, and for quite a few years now, Maria and I get along VERY well, in fact, I've "accidentally" spent nearly 2 1/2 hours on the phone with her today. She is now (almost) 25 years old, just landed a fantastic job about 6 months ago, has an apartment of her own, and is a perfectly well adjusted, beautiful young lady (with a few gray hairs already, HAHA!)  She shows a personal strength, and a very strong faith in God in all things, that I can only hope to have a fraction of some day. I LOVE YOU "MARIYOKO", MORE THAN I CAN SAY AND AM SOOOO PROUD TO SAY I HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE!  (Don't tell your sisters, but YOU are my favorite!)

Okay, now we have Nicole. She might be a difficult one to provide a story for, as she is soooo easy going, so much like her dad, that she has been accused of being my favorite on numerous occasions. She's always been my "snuggle bug". Some of my favorite memories of her were all the weekends their Dad worked early in the morning. She NEVER let his side of the bed get cold, as she would come in and crawl in bed and go back to sleep with me for a few more hours. She is about as quiet as can be, and yet so funny. She will surprise you with some of the silliest things, at the most unexpected moments. Recently, she favors the word "Awkward". Even when, or maybe mostly when, it does not apply. And every single time, it gets a laugh out of me. Okay, a little story on Nicole.... Todd and I had just bought a car. It was used, but not in terrible shape, and I spent ALLLL day Friday cleaning it, inside and out. I told him and the kids that when we had drinks in the car, I'd like them to be in a water bottle, or something with a lid. Well, Saturday we go for a ride someplace, and going around the first corner, I hear a cup fall over, and Nicole says, "Uh-oh Daddy, it happened!" I was so frustrated, I picked it up, and threw it out the window. This child, she starts sobbing, saying, "That was my favorite cup, you knew that. Why did you throw it out the window?!" (We were at a stop sign when I threw it, and were still sitting there while she cried). I tried to explain to her that I had worked hard to clean the car, and that they knew I didn't want "spillable" cups in the car. But this CHILD! She just looked at me, with these big, heartbroken tears over a 99 cent cup that we had more of at home! I got out and got the cup for her, after I emptied it in the grass. Yes, I gave in, but if YOU had seen these tears, you would have done the same thing. Nicole is now an amazingly gentle, all grown up young lady herself. She still gives me the most hugs and snuggles, often times at just the moment I need it the most, but not usually even knowing that. NICOLE, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW, AND WILL ALWAYS TREASURE THOSE EARLY MORNING SNUGGLES, YOU HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THIS THEN, BUT MANY OF THOSE WEEKENDS I NEEDED THAT MORE THAN EVEN I KNEW. (Don't tell anyone, but they were right all along, you ARE my favorite!)

Last, but definitely not least, we have Jo. When she was little, until about 10 years old or so, she had this high pitched, but very cute voice. And maaaaan, did she ever talk a lot! There were times, quite a few times in those early years actually, I'd be working in the kitchen, and she'd just sit there and chatter away. With that high pitched voice. For days on end, (or so it seemed sometimes). I would try to ask her NICELY to be quiet for just a few minutes, when that wouldn't work, I'd resort to telling her that her Dad was calling for her, or even, I admit, bribery. I believe she'd get 50 cents to go sit in the living room for 5 minutes, lol. One of the stories that stands out about Jo for me, will reveal some of her soft gooey heart that she sometimes tries so hard to hide. Christmas shopping with the kids, when Jo was about 10 or 11 years old. Todd and I were not able to get more than just a few gifts for each child that year, and the kids had some money that they wanted to use to buy gifts for their parents, and "half-parents". They had gotten 2 for each of us, but Jo INSISTED it was not enough! She was near tears, saying she wanted to do more for all of us. And here I'm thinking, "Man, this child is going to feel so gypped by us on Christmas morning!" She would not stop saying how it was not enough, so I told her finally, "Ya know Jo, it's not about getting the gifts, we are all going to feel very loved on Christmas morning when we see what you chose to buy for us. And Dad and I can't do much this year for you guys, so really, it's okay." Her reply was, "THAT"S why it's okay that you can't do a lot this year, I don't care if you don't get me ANYTHING, but I want to GIVE you more, because I want you to feel more loved." Yup, middle of wal-mart, this child made me cry. Like, had to walk away to cry kind of cry. That Christmas, (and the one where the Christmas tree fell on Jo and I on Christmas morning) are my most memorable in all of my life. JO, I KNOW WHAT'S IN THAT HEART OF YOURS, AND IT'S A VERY BEAUTIFUL THING. I HOPE YOU KNOW HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE TO ME, AND HOW VERY MUCH I LOVE YOU, ALL THE WAY TO RACK-N-SHACK AND BACK! (Keep this between the two of us, but YOU are my favorite!)

  

I may not have the children I thought I would at this point in my life, BUT, I DO have some pretty incredible kids in my life. These "kids" (they're all just about completely grown up already!) are part of the reason I can someday find peace with my barrenness. I sometimes find myself feeling empty, like I don't have "enough". In reality, my heart is FULL, with these amazing young ladies I just ATTEMPTED to sum up in a few paragraphs. Truly, I could write for months, without stopping, and still not be able to explain just how special each and every one of them are. I cried tears of joy as I wrote this, as I HAVE been greatly blessed.

Thank you to Maria, Nicole, and Jo, and your parents, for allowing me the privilege of watching you grow into all that you are today.

(Maria is gonna love this next part....)

And to God Almighty, the Author of Life, who has - for now - blessed me with these.  <3  

~ Nan

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

~Jeremiah 29:11