Overwhelmed

Author: Nan

I have been so overwhelmed last night and today by the amount of readers we have had thus far. When I started this blog, 36 hours ago, I didn't expect very many people to read it, or even to care it was here. At the time I'm writing this, we are at 179 readers. I know that's not a MASSIVE number, but considering my expectations were pretty much maxed out at 10 or 15, I am overwhelmed. We even have one person from Germany visiting. I only expected maybe a few family members/friends to check in. I don't want to sit here and make it sound like I think I am doing an amazing thing, getting all puffed up, saying to myself, "I'm getting famous", lol. If that were really the case, trust me, I'd be trying to get famous for ANY reason other than being barren. I started writing for myself, and with a small hope that it would help a few others. If we already have nearly 200 people reading, then I pray God is allowing us to really help others feel not quite so alone. The only thing worse than having these feelings and thoughts bottled up, is to feel like we are the only ones. We generally don't talk about it to anyone, at least, not very often, therefore, we suffer mostly alone, thus, not giving ourselves the opportunity to learn there may be others, right in our midst, suffering the same feelings alone. WE DON'T HAVE TO FEEL THIS ALONE, If not anywhere else, we can feel free to come here, read, and share our hurts, our hopes, and even our joys. My ultimate hope, is that we will get people joining in, sharing their journey, and eventually, celebrating their success. I know that some of us are beyond that, we've simply reached the end of the road, and have to transition from hope, to acceptance. Paula and I have been on this road for similar amounts of time, her 15 years, me about 13 years. Our stories differ, our experiences differ, and our results have differed, but our hearts feel the same ache, to experience ALL that it would mean to be a biological mother. I myself, have always felt a strong desire to nurse my child, to feel that bond that only a biological mom can, to know that your child's very survival depends on the nourishment that only your body can provide. I don't know if Paula has felt that same strong desire, but regardless, she has not had the opportunity to have it fulfilled. We are all different, but we are the same. None of us can change the hand we have been dealt, but lets lay our cards down, and share them with each other. I believe, and promise you, that with each other, and through God, we can find some healing, some sense of peace.  

 

I don't know who all is reading this, I know it has been shared on facebook, both by Paula and my dad, ( I was not sure if I wanted my parents to read this, as I would think it could be difficult for a parent to read about these kinds of hurts their child feels. It seems he did read it, and then shared it on facebook. That "unspoken show of support" from him means a lot). Anyways, before it had appeared on facebook, we had a surprising amount of people reading it already. It stands to reason that other people who are dealing with infertility are reading. I know that there are some in our lives that have probably come to see what we have written, even maybe even a few who are just curious. It's an odd thing about human nature, the same thing that makes us look at scenes of car accidents as we drive by, we are curious about other peoples misfortunes, their tragedies. If that's the reason you are here, I still welcome you, read it, try to have a better understanding of it, maybe in the future you will be used to try to help ease someone else's pain concerning infertility. I encourage you to leave comments, whatever they may be, as long as they are kind. Questions are welcome, I THINK I can speak for Paula on this, we are already laying pretty much the most tender, private details of our personal lives out there, so for me at least, I feel if you have other questions, or curiosities, I will answer them, as long as they are appropriate. And KIND. We don't expect you to understand this if you don't know what it is to live with this reality, but we DO you expect you to not judge us for something you don't understand.

Anyways, thanks for reading, for whatever reason. Seeing the number of readers grow is very encouraging to both of us. It makes us feel like people out there DO care how we feel, as well as a HUGE encouragement that maybe we are reaching a few others, who maybe felt alone. We're not alone, and the feeling that maybe we are getting a group of people together, to band together, and provide support for each other,  IT IS HUGE! 

 

PS, 201 readers now! Praise God! I'm so excited.  :)

~Nan

For  I  know  the  plans  I  have  for  you,  says  the  Lord.  They  are  plans  for  good  and  not  for  evil,  to  give  you  a  future  and  a  hope.

Jeremiah 29:11